Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All the doctor said was why
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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