he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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