My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
