dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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