Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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