And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
