I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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