Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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