haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
