Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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