God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
