I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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