So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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