i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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