Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
