His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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