wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
