You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
