Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
