Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
