i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
