areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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