Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
