I puked a lego.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
