peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
