its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
