she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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