Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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