Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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