Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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