Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
