she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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