I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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