I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
