their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
