just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
