and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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