**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
