I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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