When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
