I wish my penis had an off switch
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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