she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I touched a dick in church today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
