Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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