O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
