just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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