i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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