My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How external is "for external use only"?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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