I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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