If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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