you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
