I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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