I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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