so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
