Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
