Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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