i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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