Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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