I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
