people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
