Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
